The Politics of Ridicule

The Progressive Left’s Argumentum Ad Absurdum

Progressive politics, or leftism, poses as the moral light at the end of the tunnel. But if you point out the light is coming from a train’s headlights, they’ll say “you just hate heaven”. If you run away from the train to save yourself, they’ll drag you back to hell, because “nothing can stop change”.

A man with a baseball bat runs onto a football field during a live game. If you express worry he may injure someone, “you’re just a sports fundamentalist who hates athletic diversity”. Globalist educators now say major league team sports are at the heart of racism and bigotry, because they exclude amateurs.

Supposedly, certain species of fish can change their gender, so it must be normal for human beings to have their genitals removed. Unlike said fish, though, who can change back, for humans the surgery is irreversible. Research shows people who’ve had a sex change operation are 20 times more likely to commit suicide, but that won’t stop a progressive from flaunting their 72 genders.

Progressives want to build a global open society from which no one can escape. The Soviets tried it. It ended in the Gulag. 94 million people died of communism, but that won’t stop progressives from trying again.

Shark males often take turns raping females. One male will drag the victim upside down by biting her top fin, while a second male rapes her. Progressive scientists who’ve studied this behavior have come to two conclusions. One, sharks are victims of patriarchy. Two, if the shark males are illegals, the females are just being racist.

In the state of Nevada, a large population of wild Mustang horses roams free. They were introduced by Spanish conquistadors 500 years ago. Because the horses are racially homogeneous, progressive activists have decided to bring over millions of African zebras and Arab camels. Only fascist horses refuse to crossbreed.

Polar bears are enjoying too much white privilege. The North Pole should open its borders to black and brown bears.

As the King of the Jungle, lions enjoy predator’s privilege. From now on, lions should share their kills equally with everyone else.

In Disney movies, elephants can be best friends with talking bunnies. In reality, elephants just step on them. That’s why progressives want to ban nature documentaries.

Gorilla males are sexist. Female gorillas can be alpha males too.

Barack Obama isn’t a Muslim. He’s just a Christian trapped in a Muslim’s body.

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The Politics of Ridicule by Mathijs Koenraadt is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.